it's been a hard couple of weeks. a couple saturdays ago, i was going down the stairs from my apartment to my car, and my knee gave out. as in it crumpled and i had to make the decision whether to fall down the stairs or try to keep some weight on it.

after going to urgent care/ER at st. luke's and then the orthopedist, it seems pretty clear that i've now torn my ACL in my left knee. when you look at my MRI, you really can't see anything for where my ACL is supposed to be. in addition, i've got tears in my cartilage - my medial meniscus looks torn, and it's possible that there is another tear in my lateral meniscus as well. this has been really hard to take, especially as it's nearly inevitable that i will have to undergo surgery at this point. the pain is already enough, i want it to go away. it's a nuisance to hobble around on crutches with a knee immobilizer (foam cast with steel rods held together by velcro straps), and i really can't go anywhere or do anything. even sitting at my kitchen table to try to get some work done is difficult.

to think that there are six more months to go for this is unbearable.