i was just thinking about stuff while i was eating lunch at amarin thai (more like waiting for lunch as they forgot my order) and realized that this is more or less exactly where i'm supposed to be...for so long i had wanted to be in cali, and here i am. i'd also wanted to have a great bf, and despite reading good in bed i still think he's a great guy and the one for me. yes, read this book if you have a chance, she's a terrific writer and does a wonderful job in describing her characters and what they're going through. a bit of a fairy tale ending though. it was just eerie reading her descriptions of the feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and insomnia that you get during that stressful time when you break up with your bf (which we did come very very very clost to). i do have to say, though, the whole 5-step/7-step trial (mourning, anger, denial, acceptance, etc. etc.) is really true, and those feelings you have with a breakup are totally stereotypical and the same ones that everyone else has. knowing that my sad (sniff sniff) experience was really not unique in the big scheme of things was the big kicker for me to get over it all. i had thought our love and all was something really special, and that our breakup was a individual thing, and hearing other people describe the exact same feelings to me in the same words i would have used myself...this helped me realize that, hey, they survived it, and since i believe i'm a stronger person, i should be able to survive this even more easily. i hope reading this helps someone out there.

jennifer weiner's book also highlighted the reason why we got back together as well - you always wonder whether you chose the right path and broke up for the right reason(s), and i knew there really wasn't a 'reason' we had broken up. it wasn't that either of us had cheated, but that we didn't even try to reconcile our differences in what we wanted in life, or how we dealt with problems. there was no 'he never bathes/shaves/cleans after himself' or 'he says bad things about my friends/curses all the time/treated my parents badly', and honestly, i'm glad we both gave 'us' another chance.

otherwise i just might taken that job in bumblefuck (aka, fresno) and would be rotting in the horrible heat about now. instead i'm sitting in the shade outside of starbucks and contemplating my next move in my job hunt, which isn't the worst thing that could have happened. sure, it would be terrific to have my dream job come up within the next week or two, yet i'm glad this is happening now and hopefully not again when i'm married and have kids and a mortgage to worry about. sigh.